Thursday, January 31, 2013

Test Drive

So here's my test drive, I've thought and talked about writing in a blog for years. I wrote daily in a journal growing up, it was a passion of mine.  I'm a terrible writer, or always viewed myself as one. I know no grammar and more often than not over use commas and periods. And I am seriously the worlds worst speller. But this is my spot so, in reality it does not matter. I also only have an iPad at this particular time.  So, writing is tricky and makes me loath autocorrect more than I already do.  For several reasons I've stalled on starting a blog. But, inspired by the many, many (amazing) bloggers I follow, and surviving and loving and living this crazy life, here I am! I'm going to do this. I need to write. I need to vent. I need to be here. I know I do. I'm afraid this will be my complain spot, (which might drive others nuts, not like I care... ;) ) my dump off, my exit, but more importantly, my sanity and my strength and reminder to find the positive in life. To reach out and meet (help?) others like me. So, I'll start here, with a opening on my huge life change about two years ago.
Two long, crazy years ago I was diagnosed with a digestive disease. It was always my biggest fear to not be able to eat what I like/want, I love, love, love food. Who doesn't? I had complications for a year before even being diagnosed. I've had every (and still go through) every test under the sun. And of course, it was discovered at the very last test after about twenty million (kidding!) that I have Gastroparesis. I was actually told this on the phone, a nurse very quickly told me, like nothing, no big deal and hung up the phone. Mind you, I was sick, I had been sick. For a freakin' year. Everything I ate made me sick I was so lost and so sick of spending day after day in bed. I was appalled that this nurse (that works in a GI office) thought it was nothing telling me my diagnoses over the phone and pretty much telling me it was no big deal. At first, I knew nothing I was shocked but also a little relieved for an answer. As, at this point I'd lost about fifteen pounds and was ready to "feel better".  Little did I know....that would take..a while. I called this lovely nurse back and demanded I needed to see my doctor. I. Was. Sick. And needed some relief. This is where my journey with Doctor F starts, where I would have never, ever guessed his 10 x 10 room would be "my second home". His first concern after being (finally) diagnosed seemed to be my weight and my diet. One of the 'tricks', he explained, to this disease is eating the "correct" diet.  He referred me to a dietitian. I was nervous and excited, I felt hope and relief.
Finding the dietitians office was a freakin' nightmare, GPS was telling me to basically go in circles, I was getting so pissed and ready to just go back home. But, twenty minutes late, I found it. A tall very nicely dressed women took me to her office down a short narrow walkway, her office was tiny and in front of me sat a basket of fake foods. Mmmm. Food.  She asked me a handful of basic questions about myself and my diagnosis & I did the same, asking her about Gastroparesis (also called GP). She got out several pieces of paper with lists of different foods and went over the "can eats" and "can't eats" with me. She advised me to change my diet one-hundred percent. From the 2% milk to the type of lean meat to eat. The basic diet for GP is a low fiber, low fat diet. The list of foods she gave me was what seemed to be small. Little lists here and there with basic information. Looking back, the meeting was pretty short. It was basically a brain cram for me. Very basic, here, eat this, don't eat this, have a nice day, here's my business card, call if you have questions.  Leaving her office she wished me luck and told me she hopes I feel better. All I wanted to do was run, as fast as I could and get the hell out of there! I did all I could do to hold the tears waking out of the office to parking lot into my car.  Upon entering my car I burst into tears and had to do everything in my power to clear the tears enough to drive home. The last thing I wanted as to sit in that parking lot and cry. I was so shocked. This was when everything really hit me. This was when I realized this was not a nightmare, this was my life. My new life. The start of a very long, painful emotional roller coaster.